Scott, my concern here is that she still consumes so much of your headspace. And what rule did you break? That seems like something that would naturally come up? "Hey, you know my STBXW once accused me of having you spy on her! LOL, isn't she cra-cra?". So I am not sure what the rule you think you broke is? Do I think it is necessarily healthy to feel the need to have brought this up? Maybe not.

Scott, I liked your answered when I asked you if she came back would you entertain it. However, I am wondering if that is true. I think you are trying to convince yourself it is true. The test will be for you that the next time you see someone that also knew your STBXW, if you feel the need to bring her up. When you were out with friends and saw the BF, she is the one that brought it up. No harm no foul. With this woman it appears you initiated the discussion. That is more of an issue. Again, I don't think there is a rule against it per se, but that it just not a healthy thing to do for you to move on.

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018