They 'shouldn't' matter, but you might still want them to, and that's ok. Feelings follow actions. Just keep focusing on your goals - physical, mental, spiritual and you will want it to matter less and less.
I think it's important to be honest to ourselves what our true motives, feelings, thoughts are. We can't adjust our sails if we don't acknowledge where they are.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Elbereth, you're self-aware to acknowledge you want them to see your changes. Good stuff. Here's why I think it's a good idea to primarily choose goals that are for you, where him seeing them doesn't matter. First, if the motivation to "win them back" is driving you, what happens when that's gone--i.e., you reconcile and get comfortable or your hope wanes? Second, if this behavior is "for them" you are likely to slowly build resentment over how much you do "for them". Third, if you ultimately fail to reconcile, a change "for you" prepares you to move forward whereas a change "for them" sets you back to square one.
Yea, I am focused on only doing things that I feel are good for ME...as I agree that they have to be for ME to stick. But I also want him to notice! I can't help it. As I am standing! And DBing, and doing 180s etc. But I'm not doing anything that would only be for him and not myself. For example, he wants me to be more of a runner. I'm not doing that. If I do, I do it enough for cardio health for doing activities I enjoy, but I hate running. Sure, he'd love it if I became a runner. I tried it and I know I hate it. Ha!
So anyway, thanks for the reminders and yes, I will be sure to keep myself and my needs front and center.
Lastly, I keep always seeing a flashing envelope but when I click on it it brings me to a page and says no messages. What am I missing? ha
Last edited by Elbereth; 02/02/2106:01 AM.
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
