Midlife Crisis and Affair with Past GF

[Elbereth]

I have to say though that GAL is so hard in this pandemic. And I have very few friends that are local. I do get out with my BFF and I have been doing lots of long walks and baths, and other things for myself. But I would love to get all dolled up and be all mysterious and out there doing stuff, but everything is closed up pretty much. I can't even go to a bar by myself! I may ask a family member if I can spend time in their second home, just to have somewhere else to be. I'm very much a homebody and he knows it, and it irritated him. I do want to do more things and I feel I neglected myself over the last few years, so that has been hard as it's not like I can take the classes I'd like right now or do some of the things I'd like. But for being a homebody, I think I am comfortable in my own skin...I can be alone with myself and be fine. I think he resented that so much because he is not as comfortable in his own skin. He's obviously been fighting some inner things. I faced a lot of my inner issue when I was D the last time...so I'm ahead there, even if I know I still have a lot to work on for myself.

What is the story on both of your 1st marriages? Length of time for both? Were you both D'd when you met? Any history of cheating in either of them?

I married too young in my early 20s, so was married 18yrs. Did 2yrs MC and moved on with a clear conscious. Nothing bad happened there, just married to young and grew to be different people. H's first marriage was 9 years. His W cheated on him. She is also a seriously ill narcissist. He was also cheated on in his next relationship, after a year and a half of dating and then continued to 'date her' while it was an open relationship. He also set his kids aside for this one as she didn't like kids. When I met him he'd been single for a bit, and had regrets about putting his kids aside and immediately mentioned them on first date. Made it clear that they were a priority. He also talked about how terrible he felt after that last relationship, how terrible he felt knowing she was going out with her other guys, sharing the same bed they were having sex in, etc. I think it really screwed him up a bit for a while. He even attempted suicide because of it. It really seemed that he had come through his difficult period and had done a lot of growth when we met. I never in a million years would have thought he'd cheat on me after how devastating it had been for him.

We had a lot of great years. Of course being a step mom has been hard, especially with a crazy XW. He's always been a bit controlling and not as strong of a person as I am. When I read about MLC, I look back on the last few years and it just clicks. The aging, the body not handling things, the stresses of work and home life, the crazy XW, the fixer upper home, etc. He's running from it all. But he created a lot of it. This is his life too. I'm the third wheel in his family (which I took on as my own even when I didn't get to have much choices in how things go with the kids and all). But I do feel like he's the love of my life. Being in his arms feels like home. Even when he is driving me crazy, I still love him. Our relationship was fast and rushed. We moved in together very quickly and under a lot of craziness...and made it. His family feels I saved him. But he also saved me as I never had known what love was until I met him. Even if we don't make it, I'm grateful that I got to feel that at least once in my life. And these boys? Well, I love them too, a lot, and they are the only kids I will ever have as I didn't have any bio kids of my own. I'm not ready to give up on them and they deserve better. Hell, their bio-parents are used to giving up and I don't want my boys growing up thinking that's how you roll with relationships and commitments.

LOL she is the best. Don't judge me when you get to the parts of me hiding out on her thread because I didn't want to post on my own. wink

I'd NEVER do that, and I've not read your sitch yet (its next), but I can tell you now that you are welcome to hide out on my thread any time you want!

I'm so grateful for this forum. Really, thank you to all of your for advice and your support.