1) Over the course of the week she sent texted me a message saying "did you see my jacket omg Instagram?" - I said I hadn't because I haven't been on in weeks. She sent me picture of it and I gave her some praise and positive feedback. She listed it to sell on line and it sold within 12 hours and sent me a message to tell me. I asked her how it felt and she said "pretty awesome"
Do not reply to these kinds of texts.
Originally Posted by Jhopeful
2) yesterday I tore my MCL and ended up in the hospital. I did not call her for help. I coordinated additional hours for my nanny to help me and started getting my mind straight on what was a head of me. This is not to say I really wanted her nurturing and sympathy. I didn't make a big deal of it because I didn't want her to come here and then leave, like ripping the bandaide off. Meanwhile I felt like I may have been rejecting her love as I've done in the past (she's a nurse). I sent her a matter of fact text telling her what had happened and how I was working on plans to take care of our daughter while I sort things out. I mentioned "if I need anything I'll reach out. She replied, I'm so sorry do you need anything, I replied No but if I do I'll reach out. Moment later she asked if I would be able to get our daughter in and out of the crib, I replied, yes. she replied ok.
I am sorry about your MCL.Do not ask her for anything that doesn't include something with your daughter.
Originally Posted by Jhopeful
3) This morning she dropped our daughter off. I cleaned up, shaved. Straight back open heart and ready to see her - the days she's dropped her off I'm typically working in my home office thus I just saw her for the first time n a few weeks the nanny was in the room. She hardly looked at me and spoke mostly to the nanny - I though that was odd. She also had a higher toned pitch in her voice.
Way too much over analyzing. She will run hot and cold with you.
Originally Posted by Jhopeful
4) I almost called her bf to ask if she thought what would be the best course of action - being more open or space? Space feels like that's at the expense of coming off the way our relationship went.
Do not talk to her BF about this. Period! Time and Space are the only things that turn these things around long-term.
Originally Posted by Jhopeful
- I'm afraid I'm starving her of authentic recognition that I hadn't given her before.
- I'm afraid I'm abandoning her through shutting down which is how I was in the relationship.
- Basically everything that I was doing to hurt her feels like what I am doing to her now.
Anything that starts with "I'm afraid" is not good.
Originally Posted by Jhopeful
I also bought Divorce Remedy - should I read Divorce Busters first? I think my DB coach mentioned reading Divorce Busters first??
Do what your coach recommends here.
Originally Posted by Jhopeful
My coach also recommended trying to build a friendship first with her......I'm still wrapping my head around that one.
This is one area where the coach and the board differ.
Originally Posted by Jhopeful
She requested a few weeks ago that we schedule an appointment to see a mediator. I volunteered that her after my training I would reach out to them. I called them this morning. I would love any and all thoughts around this
Do not lift a finger to help her D you!
JH,
You are operating out of fear right now and that is typically a recipe for disaster.
