Here's a number of updates that I would love feedback on.
1) Over the course of the week she sent texted me a message saying "did you see my jacket omg Instagram?" - I said I hadn't because I haven't been on in weeks. She sent me picture of it and I gave her some praise and positive feedback. She listed it to sell on line and it sold within 12 hours and sent me a message to tell me. I asked her how it felt and she said "pretty awesome"
We exchanged some light texts with pictures of our daughter on Friday. She wanted to see more pics I just sent her 1.
1___> How should I read these types of reachings out? In the past this is what has brought her more forward to me.
The next day I started to really feel the anger surface. Anger of the coldness and how it feels like she's 100% completely gone. On the other side of the anger I find a more pure idea of what I want and how I want to love her (or someone else).
All my feelings are pretty intense. Sometimes I spiral (most) and need company on the phone.
2) yesterday I tore my MCL and ended up in the hospital. I did not call her for help. I coordinated additional hours for my nanny to help me and started getting my mind straight on what was a head of me. This is not to say I really wanted her nurturing and sympathy. I didn't make a big deal of it because I didn't want her to come here and then leave, like ripping the bandaide off. Meanwhile I felt like I may have been rejecting her love as I've done in the past (she's a nurse). I sent her a matter of fact text telling her what had happened and how I was working on plans to take care of our daughter while I sort things out. I mentioned "if I need anything I'll reach out. She replied, I'm so sorry do you need anything, I replied No but if I do I'll reach out. Moment later she asked if I would be able to get our daughter in and out of the crib, I replied, yes. she replied ok. 2___> Thoughts?
3) This morning she dropped our daughter off. I cleaned up, shaved. Straight back open heart and ready to see her - the days she's dropped her off I'm typically working in my home office thus I just saw her for the first time n a few weeks the nanny was in the room. She hardly looked at me and spoke mostly to the nanny - I though that was odd. She also had a higher toned pitch in her voice. 3___> Thoughts?
4) I almost called her bf to ask if she thought what would be the best course of action - being more open or space? Space feels like that's at the expense of coming off the way our relationship went. 4___>
5) - I'm afraid I'm starving her of authentic recognition that I hadn't given her before.
- I'm afraid I'm abandoning her through shutting down which is how I was in the relationship.
- Basically everything that I was doing to hurt her feels like what I am doing to her now. 5___> Thoughts?
6) I also bought Divorce Remedy - should I read Divorce Busters first? I think my DB coach mentioned reading Divorce Busters first?? 6___> Thoughts
7) My coach also recommended trying to build a friendship first with her......I'm still wrapping my head around that one. 7___> Thoughts
8) She requested a few weeks ago that we schedule an appointment to see a mediator. I volunteered that her after my training I would reach out to them. I called them this morning. I would love any and all thoughts around this 8___> Thoughts
