Many thanks for the strength you all give me along the way.
Last days were more difficult. Strange but since I heard of OW's death, she did creep in again and sleeping was very hard.
I had my surgery on Thursday, all went well there. MIL came to help out in the house during the weekend, as well as my fantastic sister. I adore her!!
When MIL arrived she had H on the phone, luckily she waited in the car, until the conversation was over. He called to say OW1 died. He apparently called his Father and Stepfather as well to inform them. That their break-up must have been the biggest reason why she did this, (would never dare telling this if that was me...) that he feels guilty etc. If you feel actual guilt, in my opinion you don't call around to people telling she died, you sit in a corner and are devastated, and don't dare talking to anybody about this.
In the same conversation he also told he was going for dinner the next day with a "colleague". The guilt seemed suddenly far away...
Next couple of days were hard again. All is fine if I don't hear from him, even through other people, but when I do I'm feeling sad again. I think I'm finally grieving for my broken marriage.
On Sunday he always calls with kids. Now he wanted to watch a football game together with them, PC in front of our television and through skype he can see the screen. I normally always leave the house now but since I have the surgery I did not.
Hearing his voice wasn't good for me. I was forced to leave the house for a walk as I simply started crying. Didn't want the children to see.
Today I have also sent the first e-mail in regards to the D. I sent him the house estimation report as well as a guideline of what needs to be agreed upon before we can actually proceed. I also asked him to come with a first proposition.
He answered very briefly that he received everything and if I wanted a reply via e-mail or through phone. I told him I preferred through e-mail since the children are at home a lot. (in real is because I will have a hard time hearing him)
He then replied that he assumed I didn't expect an answer today and I mentioned of course not, take your time, don't need all the details yet, only a general overview of how you sees things.
He did not reply anymore.
IOW's, I stayed friendly and detached. (but it is so hard)
Damn, I expected to be further already, but unfortunately this is not the case...
I hope the days to come will be better.
A nice day to all of you. Hopefully something nice comes on your path today.
