I am not detached, Pack19 part4

[Pack_19]

hi BenB!

I just got sad and I guess they dont want to see me hurting. I am going to work on getting back my control and working on me. It is very hurtful to see the difference between S and D is not there and to hear over and over again that it was all your fault and that I am never going to be there because of my mistakes that have these consequences. I can focus on myself and my changes but I cannot change the fact that she is seeing OM and I need to feel the pain and let it go. I have an IC session tomorrow. I cannot believe I messed up something so important in my life.

I am going back to NC and focused on myself. I am thinking about getting the A2 license for motorbikes and I restart today my weight lifting routines. I was also thinking about reading DR again, maybe it gets me back to a healthy place.

I will do research on how to control my emotions. Should I believe what she is saying, file and move on or just be and work on getting me back to a nice and healthy place removing myself from the situation?

I know I have made many mistakes, I just wanted to save the kids and myself from all the pain we are experiencing. Thanks for bearing with me, please keep posting. I will re-read my thread today, time to dust off and stand back up.