I am not detached, Pack19 part4

[sandi2]

Hi Pack, sorry to hear about your setback. I think this may be what we call a "trigger". Something is said or done to bring back those old feelings at the beginning of the sitch. As I recall, this has happened once before and you asked her about her intentions.

I don't fully understand just what your W wants to discuss about the kids. Unless there is something about their schedule, health, school, etc., why is it necessary? At any rate, I still feel that email is the way to handle it. At least, until you are able to emotionally let go of reconciling with her.

Am I being reasonable about this or should I sacrifice for the sake of the kids and try and be friends with her on that sense?

Paco, don't listen to her. She always criticizes you deeply. She doesn't want to have talks about the children.....for their sakes. She wants to have the talks for her sake. Remember, since the beginning, she was the one who pushed to have regular discussions. I think she uses the kids as an excuse to keep a line attached to you, not b/c she wants to be in a MR with you, but to keep tabs on your life. It's difficult for me to explain, but I see it in WW all the time.

I have gone through hell and she keeps saying that I destroyed our M and there are consequences in the form of her lack of feelings.

B/c you let her words affect you. She has a sharp tongue and can shred your heart. She has taken no share of the responsibility of the marriage breakdown. It's seldom all one-sided.

yet I think about the rules, about W saying cr@p right now, about not giving up and showing my children our family is worth the fight but aside from W and her OMs.

The "rules" were written to help newcomers have some sense of direction and interaction in their sitch.

Your children are too young to know or understand about the concept of the family being worth the fight. This is your guilt talking to you, b/c you've taken 100% ownership for the M breakdown. You've taken to heart everything your W has said, except one thing. Know what that one thing is? You don't accept she is through with you and doesn't want to be in a marriage with you.

For your own sake, I hope you will let it go. I think you've done an amazing job in all areas of improving your life. Just imagine how much better you would feel if your were free from the shackles holding you to a lost dream.

((hugs))