I am not detached, Pack19 part4

[Pack_19]

Hi all! thanks for the comments on the school, I will take it easy on him.

I had a terrible day yesterday, my best friend told me he saw W a couple of times with OM on the streets, all my friends were very shocked that it affected me a lot but I tried to not make many questions, I called my sister to relax and then went for a long walk.

When we exchanged the kids I asked W where she stood in terms of us, she gave S7 youtube on the phone and stood there telling me again that I had destroy our M for five years, that she was never going to come back to me and that she could make a mistake but her decision was final and she had accepted she was going to live a life without the father of her children there. I told her I understood her pain and frustration but I saw things differently and I still thought we could work together to get a second chance on a new M. To this she replied that she wanted a D. As we were chatting S7 came out of the car to tell her OM had called her 4 times and asking who he was.

I tried to stay calm but I lost it, I asked her who that was and why she did not have the courage to ask for a D before starting a R. She said it was just a friend, that I had jealousy issues and that for any person in her life she was not going to give me any explanations. I told her if this is how she wanted to end things it was fine for me but I never wanted this and saw S and D very differently. I stormed out with the kids and asked my sister to help me with them. I got them ready for bed and prepared the backpacks, put them to sleep after a nice story and I have spent the worst night in many months. I have not slept a bit thinking about what to do next, how to regain control of my life and how to face the fact that there is OM.

I want to file, but I am a bunch of nerves right now so I wanted to come and write here and ask for support. I have gone through hell and she keeps saying that I destroyed our M and there are consequences in the form of her lack of feelings. Sometimes I feel like I am a very sad man, all my friends keep telling me to see the evidence, move on and close this chapter of my life and yet I think about the rules, about W saying cr@p right now, about not giving up and showing my children our family is worth the fight but aside from W and her OMs. I dont compare myself with OM, I dont want to know anything about him, I just feel it is very sad this is the course of action she has decided to take after all we have lived.

I woke up today with a different mood, I had to be happy for my kids but now alone in the office all is coming back onto me. I will talk to my lawyer today, I feel like the best is to file. I know I messed up big time yesterday, I will go back to NC and my PIES. Thank you all for your support and time!

hugs! Pack