No. He was in no way making amends...more like he's drowning and looking to me for help. I am fine throwing a life ring, but I know better now than to jump in after him.
kml, thanks for understanding. This stuff is so hard.
He's not capable at this point to change. I believe everyone can, only because I have. I have done some truly awful things in the past, so I never discount anyone. But I also know that I didn't save myself, and no one person saved me - it was a complete transformation that started in my heart (I'm Christian so it was my faith) and then doing what I needed to do - very hard things - and live differently. Also surrounding myself with people who loved me enough to tell me truth.
As much pain as I have endured, he is in torment over something.
---------------------- X called this morning. Sounded 'ok' ish. Said he just wanted to call and check in. His words "we lost a calf last night". Didn't talk long because I was in need of some endorphins.
Ran 2.33 miles. Lovely. 55 degrees F - music was good - realized that I sing when I run and it got a little awkward (for others on the trails today). LOL
Looking forward to my shift tomorrow as I had some new gear come in that will help me in my job.
Feeling good about last night. Praying a lot for wisdom and discernment, and of course my family and you guys here on the boards.
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
