Wise to keep your snark to a minimum. The best revenge is a life well lived.
ex obviously has some importance attached to this beanie. He is lead by his feelings, which won’t appear to make sense, won’t be rational, and his decisions and behaviours will follow suit. Yet, at some level within him, it will kind of make sense - to him. It will feel somewhat right.
Emotions produce pretty strong pressures and impulses, which can get tangled and trigger by material things, places, people, events , and such. Even just the memories of such can send someone off on an emotional roller coaster. We’ve all been there with our BD and our wild imaginations of what must be going down in our spouse’s new wonderful lives, so I suspect you can empathize with his been lost and lashing out over such an innocuous and inexpensive item. However, the value to him appears rather high, such is the cost of emotional crisis.
Of course he is blaming you. And nothing you say or do will appease him. If the beanie is truly lost, I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually lost his prized possession, cannot face that, and is projecting upon you. He is crafting his reality as he goes along. The beanie’s whereabouts was under plastic the entire time, until photographic evidence showed him wearing it. Well, well, um, only for that picture - then back in the vault. A quick revision to the the historical rewrite and back on track.
Depending on how much you’d like to learn, and how much of an olive branch you’d like to extend, you could ask him about the beanie. About its importance. And if a replacement one would help. You can only control you. Do so with compassion and empathy. It might, or might not, make much of a difference to his trajectory, but it will affect yours.
Poise and decorum, no need to end that now. Continue your excellent path.
ex, I’m sorry the beanie appears to be lost. I’ve looked and I do not have your beanie in my possession. It obviously is important to you, and if I had it I’d return it. The last I remember seeing it was in that photo of you wearing it <or whatever event you recall>. Have you considered a replace beanie? Amazon has one for $x which is available for shipment right now. Here is the link if you are interested. <hyperlink for shinny new beanie>
Take care Pax
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
