Ginger - I'm not sure if I'm looking to fill a void or not. I do know that I can be a lot of fun and I'll be right up front with that. I'm here to have fun, not looking for anything serious right now.
Ovrrnbw - Fair. I actually like your take. I've had two LTR's in my life. I can't remember how the first one ended, but I do remember that she came back twice and each time I wasn't interested, I had moved on. I guess I'm trying to feel that feeling and its getting close. In the sense that I'm looking to her for closure that could come one of two ways. The first, I spend time with her and I don't feel for her anymore. The second would simply be that I feel she has no feelings for me at all. I'm close on both accounts. I recognize that those here think I'm nuts - she has shown nothing that implies she has feeling for me - and you're 95% right. But there is this 5%; I want to close out that 5%.
If anyone has read up on Enneagram 3's, which I am, we tend to struggle to feel our own emotions as we tend to feel and take on everyone else's. We tend to create the image that other people want to see and struggle to be who WE are. Both of these things will be a lifetime struggle for me but over the past year I've at least become aware of them.
Overrnbw, I can control my reactions to my emotions - possibly all too well. Through my whole life people have told me that they don't think I have emotions. So I'll feel whatever I feel and I'll stay cool in the moments.
An I love that line "I don't think God or Nature intended on you following her lead." - Where has Overrnbw been? First time I think I've ever heard from you - that's strong right there.
Originally Posted by Steve85
And I know you are conning yourself into the "But, I would like to find a couple of women to be able to go out with from time to time." viewpoint. That is crap. The truth is that you have a few things going on underneath. First, you want to find your value and validation in being desired by other women. Second, you are afraid to be alone. Third, you want to show that low-down, no-good WAW just how quickly you can rebound with other prospects. And fourth, you think you have to have sex.
Haha. This was good Steve. We do disagree on dating though. When I was younger I thought that dating was to find a spouse. I'm not sure I'll look at it that way again. My worldview is evolving. And in regards to your four points: You could be 100% right on the first one. The second one, I'm not afraid to be alone, I just don't want to be alone when I don't want to be. I have no fear related to being alone whatsoever. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. Again, this could change a lot as the weather changes and I expect it to. In regards to 3, not really - but I do think that dating would impact my confidence and the way I hold myself, which would be seen - but I really don't care what she thinks in regards to this. And in regards to four I have proven I don't need sex, I wouldn't mind it, but its not a need.
That takes me back to something Ginger said. I will not date anyone that doesn't meet my standards, and my standards are high. I'm not just going out and trying to be with anyone, if I'm going to be with someone they need to be a professional, very attractive, fun, intelligent, and fit. I will not bend on my standards.
LH: Where you been? I'd been curious to hear from you. I agree with you. Women say they want a relationship, but I can be honest, tell them where I am, and from there I believe it is up to them. My friends whose wives came back, all of them had moved on and all of them had dated other women, even if their wife didn't know about it.
Anyhow, it will be interesting. The key on this is definitely honesty if I meet someone.
R2C: I completely agree, a part of the process is learning to interact with women again. I have to figure that out.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Do you understand your role in the breakdown of your marriage? Do you understand how your behavior contributed? Have you changed your behavior? Are you interacting differently with your wife? Does she see the change? does she respect you more?
Questions answered in order: Yes, I believe that I do. Absolutely, I understand how I contributed to the breakdown. I have changed some of my behaviors, I can still work on listenning better - I think that is a labor of life. Interactions with my wife are changing, for better or worse - I'm standing up for myself more and acting more like a "man", if that makes any sense. I don't care if she sees the change. And I don't care if she respects me more, its not about her or her reactions.
R2C: What are your thoughts on the Rational Male book?
