So Elbereth, your goal is to be friendly, upbeat, fulfilled and pleased around him. But not to let his words and actions cause you to react emotionally. Even if you get hurt, upset, shocked, etc on the inside, on the outside you are cool as a cucumber. Detachment is never cold. If you start getting cold toward him then you are doing it wrong.
As far as trying to connect with him, I caution you here. Trying to connect with him involves pressure and pursuit, which you are trying to avoid right now. Instead, continue to focus on yourself. GAL as much as possible, stay busy. Keep working on becoming the best version of yourself you can. And work on detaching more and more. Detachment is not like a flip you switch, it takes work and time to get good at. So keep working on it.
The above really helps to clarify, thank you! I do feel like I'm generally doing most of those things, so I'm on the right track. When I say 'connect with him', I'm doing so in ways that I don't feel are pressuring. For example, when he stayed at a friends house, I made him a favorite food item, or I send him an article I think he will enjoy...things that show I know him well, but not very intimate or love things. Hopefully that is a good thing? Or do you think I'm pressuring him even when he's not acting like I am?
If your H were simply a WAH and that was it, then yes I would say those are good subtle gestures. Similar to talk and touch charges. The problem is that he is after someone else. I know he said he never cheated and that it is just an EA. I am not buying that. He has met with her in person. I think we would be naive to assume that he is telling the truth. Especially since cheaters NEVER admit it even in the face of undeniable evidence.
So I would stop with the reconnection efforts for the time being. You are teaching him that you will be he backup plan in case OW decides to move on. That you are willing to tolerate him being with someone else and sit back and pathetically wait for him. Do you think that makes you look more or less attractive to him?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
