The trouble is that us LBH's view our WW via rose coloured spectacles and put them on a pedastool, we are remembering the good moments of our M, where as our WW is only wants to remember the negative bits and non of the good bits?
Originally Posted by markw
This will change where your's will come off and hers will go on. Google the Fading Affect Bias. What us LBH's need to do is remember, is the lies and deceit we had to endure over the past year or two?
You would be surprised what some LBS are willing to overlook including multiple affairs
Originally Posted by markw
In my case of how she put me into Depression and stress.
Something to work on. You should never let anyone effect your emotions. When I list out her good points and then her bad points of which there are more,! Odds are you were just as unhappy with her. Men are typically willing to put up more to keep the family intact. I then ask myself why would you still want to be M with her? [/quote]
The biggest problem for most people in this scenario is the feeling that you've lost control over your life and your future.
For years you've lived by a certain set of rules -- that if you're a good husband, you can count on your wife supporting you.
Because you're married, your relationship is a source of stability in your life.
When that's suddenly ripped away and you can't understand (a) what you did to make it fall apart so suddenly, (b) why the person who used to be your partner seems to have had a complete personality change and (c) why you can't seem to do anything to make it better, it is totally destabilizing.
Your brain doesn't like this instability, and it doesn't like the unavailability of a remedy at all! Its panic-inducing.
Because of this lack of control and the fear that comes with it, you desperately, desperately want to regain your feeling of control and stability.
Your brain convinces you that the quickest way to do that is to get your wayward spouse back. If you can do that, then all the old rules still apply and there was just a temporary blip on the radar.
As a result, your brain will compel you to want to pursue, and everything else is a justification to allow you to do what you want.
Step back and look at some of these situations -- a person's wife cheats on them for years with several OM's. If that comes to light, a rational person would say "this woman has issues" and head the other way right? But in reality, we see time and again that the LBS convinces themselves that this cheater is the best person in the world, and they want to have them back more than anything.
WHY? Because the loss of control is devastating. The loss of control is something our brains can't process or tolerate.
