I would just bring up something that bothered me and she would start a fight or turn it around on me, i get what you are saying though.
This sounds like a logical approach.........if you are dealing with a logical person. When you say something was bothering you, was it usually linked with her? If so, it sounds as if she was being overly defensive and went into attack mode. Did you try different approaches? Did you try different times of the day? Did this usually follow after something else had set her off?
Standing up for yourself when dealing with a wayward spouse must be done immediately and without discussion. No pronouncements........no explanations........no negotiations....... nothing. You must have a way to enforce your boundary, that require no conversation. The more common thing I've seen nice-guys do, initially, is to walk away. That's okay for a few things, but let's be honest.......how big of a consequence is it for her? If she puts you down in front of your kids (or anyone) and you walk out of the room, do you really think it's going to stop her the next time?
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Starting to realise that but when you constantly get blamed and are a person that tends to have alot of regret in general it is difficult at first not to believe what she says.
I think you need to get to the bottom of why you have a lot of regret "in general". You've allowed her to kick you around, and you've taken on the mentality of a victim. You'll do the same thing in your next relationship if you don't figure out how to end this sort of abuse. The reason you have so much regret is b/c you believe what she (and maybe others) says about you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
