Steve85 - I'm in IC, I don't feel like I'm getting much out of it but I'll keep doing it. I'm trying to get out of it what I can. It feels like all he wants me to do is connect with my emotions. I'll admit that is not my default and I'm not really sure why I need to do that. It seems that the perspective is that if I'm more connected to my emotions I'll live life more vibrantly I guess? Anyhow, I'll keep at it.
And I'm not going to jump into a LTR anytime soon. But, I would like to find a couple of women to be able to go out with from time to time. And CW is probably right, I'm probably using it to mask my grief - I think it has more to do with re-establishing my confidence. Either way, I do think it would be fun.
My STBXW and I are having a meeting on Saturday to go through a document that our mediator wants us to review. It feels risky to meet to do it, but I do like taking chances and it may lead to additional closure which would be great. I'll probably see her tonight as well at my son's lacrosse game as well. It will be interesting to see how my emotions react in each case.
Per Ginger's point, I grew up very lonely. I spent a lot of time alone before I got married. At that time I played tons of online poker to the point that I was able to calculate my hourly rate (which is when I quit). During baseball season I would plan my days around my favorite MLB teams. I didn't like that lifestyle.
During the work week I'm plenty busy. But with the cold and a full day on these weekends, it kind of stinks. Once the sun is out I'll have a lot more to do in the yard and other activities. Also, my kids will a combined 80 sporting events between 3/1 and 7/1 so if I stay in town I'll have stuff to do. Regardless though, I'm interested in getting out and meeting women to see what's out there.
I'm not sure that I seem the harm in it, other than it makes a road back to marriage more unlikely. But I don't see a road back anyhow, she's off the reservation, I don't think I love her any longer, I'm not sure if I like her, I know I don't trust her and I know I don't respect her at this point.
