So Elbereth, your goal is to be friendly, upbeat, fulfilled and pleased around him. But not to let his words and actions cause you to react emotionally. Even if you get hurt, upset, shocked, etc on the inside, on the outside you are cool as a cucumber. Detachment is never cold. If you start getting cold toward him then you are doing it wrong.
As far as trying to connect with him, I caution you here. Trying to connect with him involves pressure and pursuit, which you are trying to avoid right now. Instead, continue to focus on yourself. GAL as much as possible, stay busy. Keep working on becoming the best version of yourself you can. And work on detaching more and more. Detachment is not like a flip you switch, it takes work and time to get good at. So keep working on it.
The above really helps to clarify, thank you! I do feel like I'm generally doing most of those things, so I'm on the right track. When I say 'connect with him', I'm doing so in ways that I don't feel are pressuring. For example, when he stayed at a friends house, I made him a favorite food item, or I send him an article I think he will enjoy...things that show I know him well, but not very intimate or love things. Hopefully that is a good thing? Or do you think I'm pressuring him even when he's not acting like I am?
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
