It is great news to see daughter has been offered full time employment. That is definitely a weight off her shoulders. Yay!
Originally Posted by PLC
I am embarrassed to admit that I saw some texts that I was texting him back before bomb drop, I was angry and hurt and really a nagging wife.
You aren’t anymore. You’ve made changes. Ensured those changes were for you and made them permanent.
Originally Posted by PLC
I am feeling lost with H. I have seen actions around the home that I have not seen since before BD almost two years ago. I was encouraged by that. Also, when he comes home from work, he will now come in and pause to say hi to the dogs and if I am in the room, me.
But with this action encouragement, I still am 99 percent ignored.
It is interesting to see actions that have been absent since BD. I understand the encouraging feelings that brings, and the feelings of being lost.
Being ignored 99% of the time - is being seen 1% of the time. It has to start somewhere.
Yes, things are in limbo for sometime before they shift. However, that shift starts to happen unseen and internally. Consider you own shift in attitude and outlook over the past two years. H’s transformation would be even more hidden and slower.
H is reaching out, now and then. Talking to the dogs, and even you. And still bringing bread. And he hasn’t made the effort to physically leave. All factual and positive. Very good stuff. Be patient and give H plenty of time and space. He needs to be the one to reach back - well actually reach forward. Right?
Originally Posted by PLC
So, limbo is it for me. I really am stuck, because I do love him and want a second chance.
Continue moving forward.
Yep, limbo is difficult. One gets stuck on that which they focus upon. Focus towards your future.
A second chance is usually wanting a do-over. It is looking back and not towards the future.
Stuck because you love him. How are you stuck? You can love H and move forward, live your life, work your job, have fun, and such.
Stuck because you want a second chance. How are you stuck? You can move forward and have a second chance. In fact, a true second chance would only happen if you moved forward. Wanting a do-over is being stuck.
Live forward. Live the new and improved you. Demonstrate your altered, strong, permanent beliefs; you know, like not nagging. And do it for you.
If the future holds an opportunity for a reconciliation, it will be a new relationship. That second chance comes from letting go the do-over.
Perhaps H is slowly moving in the right direction. Great. You keep moving as well. No pressure. Time and space. Let him figure out that he does want you. It’s a tough path to walk my friend.
My XW has been absent for over three years. I so wanted a second chance too. Then I realized I had a second chance - and took it. There are two second chances, one of which we don’t see for a while. Even though it is right in front of us.
Originally Posted by PLC
... because I do love him and [I] want a second chance.
Originally Posted by PLC
... because I do love him and want [us to have] a second chance.
The first is your life and changes and values. The core of yourself. Finding your way. Saving yourself. It’s your second chance at your life. This is the chance we don’t recognize. Embrace it. Fully. Fearlessly.
The second, second chance is a bonus. And the first one must happen for the second to have a chance.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
