Laying it out there, seeing accurately, are good and needed steps for working through fear. One cannot work through and rationalize that which they do not clearly see.
I do empathize with you regarding D11 as well. You are seeing her choices clearly, friends and such. Although at 11, many girls are drama queens and less empathic. Maturing brings on a whole slew of changes. That friend of her’s might just surprise you in a few years.
You lived somewhat similar to D11 as a young girl yourself, and are now wiser. So, what to do? You can only control you. Gently encourage and steer her. Pass on what you learnt and know. Give her the wisdom of your experience.
Of course, she’s eleven so you can’t tell her everything, must remain age appropriate, and she ain’t going to listen to everything anyhow. She’s eleven! And then 12, and 13, and oh the teen years and the rebelling and the... well you know. Be the beacon and influence and demonstrate what you can.
What would you tell your young self, if you could? How would you say it, so you’d actually listen and hear it as a young Gerda? The young mind works differently, and needs to be inspired differently.
Originally Posted by Gerda
learning how to set boundaries ... to strengthen herself to not get confused and to never find so familiar a man who is like that later that she mistakes it for love.
Boundaries are good life lessons. At eleven boundaries are not rock solid or well formed, it takes some growth.
Love. That is something that takes an entire life to discover and learn. Although you can definitely pass on some encouragement and advice.
Strengthen herself. Yes. Who she is inside. Her values. Her beliefs. Of course these will mature and change over the next few years/decades. Still, finding her inner strength to stand for herself to whatever is coming her way is very valuable. She’s got a pretty good role model in you. Pass on what you’ve learnt.
Originally Posted by Gerda
I still can't imagine that anyone would ever love me with an honest and uncomplicated love.
(((Hugs)))
Gerda, you are worthy of love. God loves you. D11 and S15 love you.
Is it can’t imagine or won’t imagine? If you look closely I think you’ll see it’s won’t imagine. Fear is a tangled and insidious web. For a time I was afraid to allow myself to be loved, to imagine myself worthy or ever to find love again.
Have faith my friend. The path to acceptance has some weird side roads one must travel. This is part of that seeing differently, the stopping of holding out for something. Keep untangling the web.
My kids were thrown away. A mom’s love tore to shreds in front of their eyes. That’s messed up. For a time, I suspect my kids felt unlovable. I know I did.
It took me time to find my way out of that dark. To believe I was worthy. I found my way. Loved my kids. Told them. Showed them. And had so many conversations. It is possible. Let go the fear. Believe it.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
