IMHO, detaching is when you can look at your sitch as if you were a bystander observing another couple. You don't become involved in the wayward spouse's drama. Pulling you into her drama is her number one play. That's why she prefers negative reactions, rather than no reaction at all. You remain stoic. Any emotions you feel is not exposed in front of WW and/or children. Let go of your emotions in private.
When you realize you have a WW, everything should change. Some WW's want the home life to remain the same, while she carries on with OM. The H should call a halt to everything that was seen as normal in their relationship, so she'll see that it's not going to work the way she imagined.
The biggest misconception newcomer LBH's have about their WW is to believe they can nice them back. Peel off the nice-guy, b/c that is your # 1 adversary. Your WW detests your NGS, but she'll play on it to manipulate you. NGS is serious, and unfortunately, many men are very proud to announce they are nice guys (not understanding the root causes).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
