Thank you for stopping by. This new year has been fine for D and I. She just found out that the temp job she landed in October, wants to extend her a full time job, so that is a weight off her shoulders.
I came on today, to post that I am feeling lost with H. I have seen actions around the home that I have not seen since before BD almost two years ago. I was encouraged by that. Also, when he comes home from work, he will now come in and pause to say hi to the dogs and if I am in the room, me.
But with this action encouragement, I still am 99 percent ignored. I am fatigued. We have been staying home, (live in LA county, so we have been in the epicenter of covid) so he will stay in the room. Periodically, he will eat what I make, and he still will bring home fresh baked breads.
I am embarrassed to admit that I saw some texts that I was texting him back before bomb drop, I was angry and hurt and really a nagging wife. He was already sleeping on the couch, (beds too small, dogs take up room, every challenge I responded) and I had had surgery. I had a text stating, “if you can’t stand to sleep in the same room with me, you can come check on me” this was literally three days before he left town and I believe, met OW1.
So with this reminder, I can see that his behavior was coming long before I realized what it was. It hurts.
I also, heard a podcast that some said, “why did I want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with me?” Does H love me and want to be with me? I don’t feel it. But with this thought, I think, “well, PLC, in the last two years, he has not made one effort to physically leave.”
So, limbo is it for me. I really am stuck, because I do love him and want a second chance.
Cardinal, how is your new year? I am sorry to lay all of this out here, I am just sad today.
