After being through my own D, I no longer believe that we should focus on saving the marriage. I know that's how we all ended up here, but it's a flawed approach.
It's flawed because what we had is broken. What we had is gone now. We really don't want it back. We lie and say we do, but what we really want is A GOOD MARRIAGE. And to be honest, what we had wasn't a good marriage. If it was, it would still be intact. Even if you were the perfect spouse 110%, you can't be responsible in the least for another human's shortcomings.
So now, instead of worrying about your spouse and their underhanded BS what you need to do is worry about yourself. Make yourself the priority. Too many LBS's worry about their waywards. Don't. Your husband is fine, trust me. He's doing exactly what he wants to do right now.
Crappy huh? That's hard to hear but it's the truth. He's doing what he wants right now. He's doing who he wants right now.
You need to detach. You do that however you need to. Detaching is for your protection. It doesn't matter if your STBX thinks you're being mean or rude or whatever. Trust me, they can gaslight and manipulate perception of reality to make you seem like the bad person REGARDLESS, no matter how compassionate or cordial you are. So protect yourself however you need to.
So from this point on and FOREVER, you have to live your life 100% for yourself. Nobody else. You are a strong and worthy person. You deserve peace and happiness. Make the decision to love yourself enough to put yourself first.
And one more thing: get yourself a good attorney. Don't negotiate with terrorists. Get a good attorney that has YOUR interests in mind. DO NOT use the same attorney and think you are being gracious, or saving money, or being a good person. There is no such thing as "GOODNESS" in a divorce. A divorce is a business transaction.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
