Gordie 24 still married

[Gordie]

DNJ: You are a great husband, father, and man. A person who does everything to keep his word. I completely understand, know, and empathize with your vows; and your desire to uphold them.

“For better and for worse, in sickness and in health”. Today, I actually explained my view to my doctor. He asked if I was seeing someone yet. It’s been almost three years, and he means well. But, him never having walked in these shoes. I said no, and he asked “no offers, no interest?” I chuckled and said, no there has been interest both ways and offers. I paused as he looked and was puzzlingly interested, It’s my vows I told him.

He didn’t understand. I said it’s the vows. “‘TIL death do us part.” I meant it. I keep my word. He nodded in acknowledgment and probably a little bewilderment.

Gordie: DNJ--you get me, you always have.

DNJ: Now, I didn’t want my divorce. And I didn’t push for it. I can, and do, have a say in keeping my vows. XW destroyed her’s. I need not follow suit.

Please don’t misread that. I’m not thinking I’m not divorce; I am well cognizant of my marital status. It’s my vow to my conscience and to God I’m talking about. XW destroyed her covenant, which broke our bond. My covenant is still intact. I haven’t divorce me (yet).

Now, that view isn’t all that popular. Even around here.

I’m also not that blushfully naive that I cannot see the possibility of me choosing to break my vow someday.

This it seems is one of those contentious issues that people can really get heated over. My view is my view and for me. My belief is my belief and for me. I do encourage, suggest, and even guide to the best of my abilities. And completely support someone’s decision - to stand or not. For I know, I do not have all the answers.

That being said, I usually keep my soap box put away regarding this subject. However, Gordie, I encourage and care that you continue your faithful path. You state that you believe in vows. And you are not alone in that!

Gordie: Yes, that's part of the reason why I came back, here to get DNJ-type encouragement.

DNJ: Of course, you’re actually still married. A very good thing, IMHO.

True, it’s not terrible and not a lot of fun either. That does come from your viewpoint and how you are looking at things. Your lens of the world. We do create our reality, our perceptions of it.

Standing really starts when we heal enough to stand down. You passed that point a while ago. Dig and find strength and patience.

Gordie: I remember the first time you told me this and it hit me like a tone of bricks. Oh yes, that's when the real standing started and I guess, I'm still here.

DNJ: Yes, you have done most of the heavy lifting. The lion’s share falls upon the LBS, falls upon the strong and stable spouse. Rejoice that is you!

It’s ok that your faith is wavering every now and then. Don’t worry, He understands.

Hold your faith. Hold it for you. It’s light shines bright. XW cannot help but see it. As she runs and tries to ignores it, continue your path, and let God do his work.

Bless you Gordie. You are an excellent person. A husband only a fool would leave.

Gordie: DNJ, thank you as always. And yes, I'm trying to nurture this little mustard seed.