Moving on and growing. #6

[sandi2]

I am internally battling a bit to not go back to old habits.

Did they work for you?

I like a clean house, I like looking good etc but habits are habits and a lot comes down to inner beliefs/assumptions about reality and those aren’t easily changed.
IHS period has helped me keep the new habits. Living alone is something different.

Are you talking about behavior patterns or how you think? Dare I suggest your new habits were kept during IHS b/c deep down you wanted those improvements to have a positive influence in persuading your W not to give up on you?

I think for some of us, it's more difficult to adhere to self improvement when nobody is around to evaluate us. Then again, I may have no idea what you mean in your statement.

((hugs))

[Mumin]

It’s definitely BoTH my behavior and how I think.

Not sure about the persuading, need to think about that one. But definitely her being there had an impact and initially it was the whole MOAFWL that drove me.
I have however keep up with most habits during the weeks she wasn’t at home.
Living completely alone is another story though.
I have an eye on myself .
Thanks for checking Sandi!

[Ginger1]

I think you are going to find yourself so much happier without her being there at all

[Mumin]

Thanks Ginger! I totally agree.

So tonight, before going to bed, XW seemed like she wanted to talk to me.
Kept staying in the same room and initiating. I think it is because its her last night in the house.
Eventually, she asked if I would like to come by her and the kids next week.
I didnt reply immediately and she filled in "you dont have to answer now, and its up to you".
I haven't really though about it beforehand but replied:
"Ok, I will think about if and when. But I nonetheless don't think it is a good idea this early on."

Thoughts?

I will most likely say no, and my first feeling is that I dont want to go there at all. Especially if OM stays there from time to time.
Then again having the option to meet my kids more than 50%, long-term, is not necessarily a door I want to close.

[LH19]

Think it’s a bad idea M.

[Mumin]

So do I LH, just want to think it through since it sets an example for the future.
Care to elaborate why YOU think it’s bad?

[LH19]

Let me preface that if it’s a one time thing just to see where they are living that’s ok. If it’s a every week thing I think it’s a bad idea.

[ovrrnbw]

Make other plans. First instinct was right IMO.

I think she's using you to ease her own transition, could be wrong but I see a lot more downside than upside

[sandi2]

She's just trying to keep that back burner on low........just in case she needs you for something.

Don't do it. Don't do that to yourself, and you know what I'm talking about! Don't use the kids as your excuse, either.

[Mumin]

Hey Everyone!
Thanks for the input on visits at XWs.
I haven’t brought it up more and I will NOT be going there. At least not within the near future.
It didn’t help me and it doesn’t help my kids. ( I believe they need time to fully understand their new day to day).

So, the kids just left for the first time.
Sure is quiet here now.
Going to GAL as much as possible this week. Feeling empty now.