Looking Forward to Better Days

[AndrewP]

Apparently there was more stuff in the past that wasn't really good. I get the feeling she's been holding the relationship together for years and is just tired.

I think that grey divorce is an increasing trend and for the reasons you mention. One spouse who has been doing all the heavy lifting who has just had enough. And from what I've seen those with personality disorders like it sounds that your friend's husband has, that they get worse instead of better as they age. My ex-father-in-law - who had multiple infidelities - went from a charming charismatic man to a rather slimy sort of creep as he aged. It's one thing for a 50 year old to flirt and flatter a 20 year old and stay within the bounds of decency but when he got into his late 70s he would forget about those bounds and still try to charm the 20 year olds. Fortunately my ex-mother-in-law found some of her backbone in her late 60s and kept him somewhat in line.

As those of us who are children of the 50s and 60s age those couples who in our parent's time would have stuck it out "for better or for worse" I'm sure there is a growing number who are going to throw in the towel. I read regularly about infidelity in couples in their 60s and 70s as hard as that would have been for me to understand 6 years ago. And spouses don't accept that and sweep it under the rug like they used to.

Sad as it is to relay I know that my grandmother probably got 5 years younger and certainly was a lot brighter and happier person when my grandfather died. I loved them both dearly but my grandfather was certainly a curmudgeonly sort who insisted on things being "just so". We all found it humourous that the first thing my grandmother did after my grandfather got put into a nursing home was to go around the house and wind up all the cuckoo clocks that he had insisted be stopped because the noise bothered him.