So this is soul sucking for you. How much longer can you keep this up? How much longer can you knowingly share your W with other dudes?
I honest to God don't know. Part of me thinks "I'll know when I know." but then I think that's just a cop-out. In the meantime I try to focus on me and GAL and implement things when I can. We've had 2 interactions in the past 48 hours, both just about logistical stuff. My goal for now is to remove that focus on her or us and to focus on me. And doing that honestly, because it's easy to say you're doing something for yourself but in the back of your mind you're hoping it will change things in the R. I still struggle with that daily. I also have very low expectations that things are going to work out, and if it was to work out, that is going to be a long time from now. So that whole side of things is still pretty muddy.
Quote
When it comes to intimate, personal and professional negotiations, the person who has the most to lose is in the weaker position of leverage.
I totally see this and there's no doubt I am still in the weaker position. But it is no longer nearly as lopsided as it was. In the past I couldn't see a future. I couldn't imagine life without our family being together. Now I can not only see a future, but maybe a better one! I can look in the mirror with some self-respect instead of loathing. And as that progresses, I can see where she will be the one with more to lose. Or maybe I'm blowing smoke up my own ass, but it's possible.
