Good points on Sandi's post. However, part of this is because we LBHs tend to be overtly attached, not properly differentiated, and therefore have an all or nothing attitude towards our MR. "If I lose my W my life will be ruined, people will see me as flawed, etc". The whole point about WWs is that it has less about you than you think. Yes you could have been a better husband. Yes there is some burden of guilt that falls at your feet. NONE OF THAT (unless you were abusive and/or a cheater yourself) justifies what they are doing.
MWD and all of the other anti-D experts that I read and studied say the same thing. IF the H can separate his emotions from the situation, and take on the attitude that they are going to be alright no matter what she does, and allows that perspective to inform their behavior and decisions, there is a greater chance that the WW will feel like THEY are the ones losing out and MIGHT start to second guess their choice. This is why begging, pleading, reasoning, promising, groveling, becoming super-husband, etc doesn't work. Because all that does is tell the WW "I can ALWAYS come back to him if I hit rock bottom." When you turn the tables and take away their safety net, sometimes they will start to hedge.
But please understand there are no guarantees. What I can guarantee you is catering to her will have her run out the door quicker than backing off, and going and living your best life regardless of what she is doing.
Easier said than done because we let our emotions take over.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
