Trying to figure out how best to advise my friend. I think she is truly done at this point so most likely all I can do is make financial/practical divorce recommendations, but she is a hot-tempered person so it's also possible that this may pass (not terribly likely, but still).
Apparently he's been an alcoholic for a long time ( I did know that he had struggled with opioids during his back problems but not about the alcohol). He's in AA now but through the steps has admitted to her his porn addiction which has existed before and throughout their marriage. He's not really succeeding in giving it up and hasn't truly followed through with counseling. He flirts with the women in his AA group and isn't in a SAA group. Meanwhile he hasn't had sex with her for several years and she feels pretty betrayed. Apparently there was more stuff in the past that wasn't really good. I get the feeling she's been holding the relationship together for years and is just tired. Classic story in some ways - she was the young thing in her 20's who "won" the hot guy in his thirties (who had already cheated on a previous wife) and then spent her time looking over her shoulder and working extra hard to be perfect so he wouldn't stray.
I don't think she has a realistic picture yet of what divorce will do financially. She wants to keep their house but at current valuations she could not probably afford to buy him out of it, unless she gave up her share of his pension, which would not be wise. (She was a stay at home wife for many years and although she has a job now, I doubt her social security benefit would be enough in retirement and she's almost 60 already so not too much time to make up. I don't know what they might have in other savings though - maybe it's enough. Or maybe he'll feel bad enough to give her the house, she says he does stand to inherit a bunch of money eventually and maybe that will make him feel more generous. )
I suspect he'll be devastated once he realizes what he has lost. She'd be a hard act for any woman to follow.
