I do have alot of regret about my part in the failure of our marriage, i never agreed with her blaming me for that and not taking responsibility for her own actions.
Right! It's one thing to recognize your part of the breakdown, but you are not responsible for her affair.
Quote
She would justify herself by blaming me.
Exactly! Right out of the WW handbook.
Quote
I also think that she doesnt have very good morals and it is evident but what she is doing. Trying to pick myself up slowly and get my confidence back.
Ace, I want you to understand that your W's lack of morals and/or waywardness is not a reflection of who you are as a man. In fact, it's not about you.........it's all about her. If your confidence has been affected, then IMHO, it's b/c you've allowed yourself to believe you weren't good enough and she's replaced you with another man.
Do you believe your W's behavior defines you as a man? You said you didn't think she had very good morals, and her actions have backed it up. Does that mean you have a lack of morals as well? Of course not! Every thing she's done has come from her own free volition. IMHO, how you choose to respond to this disrespect toward you and the MR will come closer to reflecting who you are as a man. Am I making sense?
A lot of us grew up believing we were suppose to make our spouse happy. If our spouse is unhappy, depressed, upset, etc..........do we take ownership of why they have these feelings? A lot of H's do, and will even apologize for something or anything just trying to put her in a better mood. Some guys have no idea, but they think by saying "I'm sorry", it fixes the situation.
Actually, everyone is responsible for their own happiness. Your WW is currently operating strictly from selfish emotions. Emotions were not designed to think. Therefore, you can't reason with her. Having relationship talks do not work with wayward spouses. It's like dealing with a rebellious teenager. You have to know your own self value and where you draw the line to protect your self respect.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
