Still learning, but leaning into the future...

[Gerda]

The custody is the most important thing in every way. For them. They should not be around a crazy person half the time. And everything financial also depends on how much they are with you. Get that done fast, say that you want to make sure the children have a plan before you talk about money. My wasband filed for full custody, child support and alimony when he filed for D. He had barely even seen the children in three years, most of the time we didn't even know where he was. He only did this to get the money that came with it. He gave it up after only a few months and settled on pretty minimal visitation. And hasn't seen my son in almost two years. Granted, I STILL get no child support, but that's because my judge is the worst and my lawyers were bad. I will eventually get it.

So get that done first and do whatever you can to have sole physical custody (joint legal is fine if he is not dangerous!) with generous visitation.

Now about this other thing about him realizing what you did for the business. Insert an F word here, followed by "THAT." You think he is going to ever be able to realize/admit how amazing you were for your business when he can't realize/admit what a wonderful wife and mother you are?! Every single thing he has done to you as a woman HE WILL DO TO YOU AS A BUSINESS PARTNER. If you don't believe me, read my threads.

Sage, our situations are weirdly similar. The business partner thing is unusual on these boards and we both had that. So please learn from my he\\.

Here's your mantra -- JUST THE FACTS, MA'AM, JUST THE FACTS. What your H thinks does not matter and is IRRELEVANT. Why even let what he might think into your mind? It will only confuse you, just as it did after BD. Your only concern is what is true, not what he thinks is true.

So gather your files of what you did. The proof you would use at trial if someone said, "She did not even play a role in this business." It can include narrative and it can include e-mails and texts and any other correspondence you need to show that you were doing stuff for the biz, dealing with clients, applying for loans, call records to permit office, setting things up, buying curtains for the office, whatever the heck it is. Gather all that stuff together for your confidence now and the proof you'll need if court happens, and know the truth and don't worry about his ego. Just keep calmly repeating the truth and the outcome you want, and know how far from that outcome you are willing to go. Don't get distracted by other accusations except as a rhetorical strategy, to appear very surprised that he forgot all that you did. His ego is the reason he is destroying your family; do you really think you can tame that thing? Don't try to figure out what will work on him. Nothing will or everything will. It's pretty random. Just get your story straight for your own heart and mind and jump off with your parachute ready.

Another thing I did -- I set up a new company with me as the sole member, and I started using that to collect our rents. That company pays rent to me and H. Got him and his financial shipwreck off my record and made it really clear what is joint income and what is company income/expense. If you have a way to do something like that, do it now, seriously.

I always leave the boards for Lent, so I will soon not be here for a while. If you have any other questions you want me to answer, now is the time. (Unless by some common experience miracle you also live nearby?)