mark, nothing wrong with trying to understand the underlying reasons for her actions as long as that is all it is. Understanding. If you are doing it looking for a solution (logically we know that we have to understand a problem in order to fix it), then that is where you go astray. "She might be dealing with depression. She might be in an MLC. It might be her depression meds that are causing her to behave this way (this was me)." As long as you just want to understand and not fix, that is fine.

The biggest problem with this, and you are early in your sitch so you shouldn't beat yourself up over this, is that this kind of fact finding mission is still too focused on the WAS. DBing is about removing your focus from her and putting it on yourself. So rather than look for reasons for her behavior, I found that reading what MY behavior should be helped keep the focus on me. It took me several weeks before I was really good at keeping my focus on me and what I should be doing (GAL, 180s, detachment) and off of why she was doing what she was doing. So keep working on it, you'll get there.

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018