I'll respond to posts in a moment but I do have a question.
I went to Florida for the weekend and on Sunday my son text me to ask how it was. My wife checks his text messages and last night at 10:30pm she emailed me:
"Were you in Florida this weekend?"
Do I respond to that? And if so thoughts?
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by ScottB
"Were you in Florida this weekend?"
Yes
THIS
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hi Scott, I agree with "Yes". As Ginger notes, there may be consequences to own. I know someone who completed a 7-day self-quarantine (with a negative test on day 5) to safely be with their family.
You told your son, so you can’t lie. FL is a very risky place for travel and she may be able to fight you on keeping the kids until you quarantine for a certain time and have a negative test.
Unfortunately in these times, it’s not a do whatever you want situation. She is probably going to have ground to stand on with this.
In the future, you either tell no one where you are going, or 2) don’t go at all until this pandemic is under control 3) discuss it with the W first so you can come up with a plan
Thanks for the thoughts. In the state I live in our positive test rate is higher than FL. Also, there are some states that the REQUEST we quarantine from if we go there, but Florida is not one of them.
First of all, I had a great trip to Florida. I did not want to come back. It was nice to be in a place where I didn't have to worry about anything and there was no pressure to do anything. That was refreshing.
And on my first day back, I feel like the STBXW is getting ready to ramp up the stress because of that email. R2C asked last week
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
How much energy are you currently wasting on her emotional state?
And the answer is way too much.
Originally Posted by Steve85
So she calls you tonight, says she wants to come back. Doesn't want MC, doesn't want IC, just wants things to go back to normal as they were pre-BD.
What do you do?
I read this and laughed. First, won't happen for quite some time as I am feeding her anger as I continue to breath. But if this was the case, I would laugh. I'm not open to going back. We could try dating for a time and see where it goes - that would be my response. She's put me and the kids through hell, I won't let that happen to them again and I'm still trying to find my own frame of reference for all of this, but I'm not going back to being her pin cushion. ------------------- On my trip I was reading The Rational Male. I'm finding it interesting. I'm not sure what my take on it should be. Has anyone else read it?
So she calls you tonight, says she wants to come back. Doesn't want MC, doesn't want IC, just wants things to go back to normal as they were pre-BD.
What do you do?
I read this and laughed. First, won't happen for quite some time as I am feeding her anger as I continue to breath. But if this was the case, I would laugh. I'm not open to going back. We could try dating for a time and see where it goes - that would be my response. She's put me and the kids through hell, I won't let that happen to them again and I'm still trying to find my own frame of reference for all of this, but I'm not going back to being her pin cushion. ------------------- On my trip I was reading The Rational Male. I'm finding it interesting. I'm not sure what my take on it should be. Has anyone else read it?
If this is true and you are being honest, then maybe you are moving into acceptance. Well done.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
She has exhibited ZERO behaviors in the last 5 months that would indicate anything different than divorce. And in the last 17 months the reality is she has exhibited ZERO Proactive behaviors that would indicate anything different.
I have not been honest with myself because I couldn’t accept it. She has sent some mixed signals, but in reality it was me trying to read what I wanted into her behaviors. I’ve got to move on.
The next thing will be how to limit my emotional reactions to her BS. ———- Today was her first day a work. On my way out of the house, I decided to grab a bottle of champagne and write a bit with it “Congrats, hope you have a great day.” I left it in the garage where she will drop off the kids stuff and began to pull away. Then I stopped and thought, what am i doing?! I opened the garage up, grabbed the note and the bottle, and drove away. She fired me. She doesn’t get that kind of attention from me anymore, was my thought.
