Hello Mr. Nice Guy. A lot of problems formed in your MR came from NGS. You currently resist the DB methods b/c it makes you feel uncomfortable. NGS kills a W's sexual desire, and at best, the only relationship she'll have with you is to be buddies.


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One question I have is that thing about going dark: I was not fully emotional available to her in the last weeks, so I am wondering if showing affection is not actually better?


This is an example of you not feeling comfortable with the advice given on the board. It's an example of your own unhealthy attachment to a woman who no longer wants you as her sexual partner. You, not her, are wanting affection.

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She originally wanted to meet during the first weeks of S, but I said it is better to take a break due to the emotions involved after her moving out. She didn't like that at all, but accepted it.


Note: Don't mistake her not liking it to mean you messed up. If you DB correctly, she won't like it, but she'll accept it and will even begin to feel some respect for you.

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I understand the idea of NC and working on oneself rather than focusing on the other person, just wondering how the 180 view is on such a situation?


The 180 view is to go NC! You are trying to find loopholes and excuses to continue your soft, beta, nice-guy history. Sorry, but it's just unattractive to a wife. Why on earth would you be affectionate with someone who doesn't want to be anymore than a pal?

The biggest jolt she could experience right now is to lose you as a friend. She has to realize you will be no part of her life in any capacity. Frankly, I think this will be harder for you than for your W.

You are eat up with NGS, and are willing to accept living in the friend zone just so you can see her once in a while. frown Your mission has been to avoid upsetting her, which means her feelings have been the center of your focus.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!