Midlife Crisis and Affair with Past GF

[SteveLW]

Elbereth, wow, sorry you are going through so much. Marital issues, MLC, spouse, pandemic, menopause, work stress, worrying about the future, etc.

Your situation is very complex, more complex than most. My first and best piece of advice is to get into IC if you aren't. You need to be able to process your feelings and thoughts, and a good IC can help with that.

I also see a tendency to fixate on his MLC. If you have read and listened to Mort Fertel then you know from the WAS' standpoint they do not see the MLC as a crisis at all! They see it as an awakening, and epiphany. They see it that they've never thought more clearly before. Also, diagnosing it as a MLC is not a quick fix. So many LBSs take comfort in focusing on the fact that their WAS is going through a MLC, when in some ways that is the worst thing that could be happening. Most MLCs last years at a minimum. So if it is an MLC, you could be looking at a very very long haul.

So I encourage you to forget about OW. Stop focusing on your H, and turn that attention and focus to yourself. GAL, go out and live your best life. Reconnect with friends, pick up old hobbies you may have left behind, and be open to new friends and new hobbies. Get into IC, and focus on self-improvements. Try to become the best version of yourself that you can be. And finally work on detachment. Try to get to a place where his crazy has no emotional impact on you. You cannot control his crazy, so do your best to let it go and realize this is about him, not about you. We LBSs internalize so much that we forget that what the WAS is doing really has a lot less to do with us than we think. Detachment is a wonderful place to be, and will help you see and operate more clearly.

Hang in there. These things are marathons, not sprints. So focus on the one person you have full control over....yourself!