Leaving it behind.

[97Hope]

S19 came over today and packed up and left for Uni. I just sent him a letter to remind him to enjoy his final semester of freshman year. Leave all of this behind and focus on himself right now.

I listened as he got some things off of his mind. He is upset with X. Apparently, X had OW over for dinner several months ago, and S19 walked in and was taken completely by surprise. He had no idea of her. Now his siblings are saying that she's been around this entire time and he's conflicted. He goes back and forth. The date that he saw her in the dining room was 2 weeks after I moved out.

He was furious with X, but now is trying too get to a place of peace.

That's why I sent the letter. I hope he takes it to heart and just lives his life and leaves his dad to his own chaos.

S19, his best friend and his cousin went out for New Year's day. They came back to X's house to see OW's car in driveway. S19 refuses to spend the night under the same roof as her.

I have been praying a lot for strength to be there for S19. He's still my child, not quite independent, but not totally dependent. A young man, at an age where he is trying to figure out himself. Who he wants to be, etc. He's been protective of me and I don't want that for him. I've told him numerous times, not your job. I am your mom, I am here for you.

Song popped up during my run (I had it on spotify mix) - Dean Lewis "Be Alright"
Love the tune, the lyrics...

I know you love her, but it's over, mate
It doesn't matter, put the phone away
It's never easy to walk away, let her go
It'll be okay
But nothing heals the past like time
And they can't steal
The love you're born to find

Reminds me of the friends I have here and IRL that understand and encourage the necessary detachment.


So my immediate goals are:

kick it at my new job.
Come back home every night.
Continue detaching.
Be a rock for my kids (even though they are all way taller than me)
Trust in God's Will.