Sage, you are such a grounded, level-headed person. Do try to work it out with him directly (while getting legal advice in the background to make sure you know your rights and have covered your bases). An early resolution among cooperative folks will generally lead to the best outcome.
A suggestion, perhaps come up with a schedule of topics and try to deal with them in short meetings. Long meetings covering lots of topics are tough in the best of times. Have an attorney review anything before you sign. Know your deal breakers and your throwaways. People don't always want the same things and sometimes the other side really cares about something you don't. Also private resolutions provide much more flexibility than what the court can grant. So put on your thinking cap. What can you give him that you don't value and he might. Does he have fears you could allay in some way? Often people draw lines in the sand insistent on getting things the court can't even give them or fighting to the death over hypothetical issues.
Always good to get custody/visitation out of the way and it isn't something you can tradeoff for other factors.
Great on you for turning off the navel gazing and looking out. It's what we all should do and most fail miserably (and I definitely fall into that category).
