What a wonderful comment Sage on why this had the impact on Gerda it did. Something for us all to consider.
Yes Gerda, don't report the lawyer or the judge. Focus on the primary battle of getting through the divorce in the straightest line possible.
I'm glad that you were heartened by my experience and can see that these things take a certain direction regardless of one's knowledge and resources. While I have the tools to deal with my situation, I could not change that the situation existed in the first place because I have no power over OD and his actions and choices.
That is why I said don't bother with mediation in the first instance. You cannot force the unwilling to do something they don't want to and when they are like this, rather than passively going along they fight to the bitter end. Over the next four months I will likely have to spend over $200k in legal fees. That is a staggering amount of money and has brought much heartache to me on behalf of my kids, on whom I could better spend that money. But I am powerless to change the situation. I have tried to resolve this in a kinder and gentler way and I have had to accept that I cannot do so on my own. Therefore my choices are to do nothing or to advocate for my children and myself. That is not really a choice as I see it.
Revel in your daughter's resilience and ability to find happiness in even dark times. Revel in your lead as her mother that she can do that. Focus on her gain, not your loss; her joy, not your sorrow.
