And this goes to something Sandi points out. My W is enthralled with "the note book" and all of those other Nicholas Sparks books and movies. Also the show This is Us. All these movies and shows which show real life as a fantasy, romance never dies or wanes. I'm like, thats not real.
Is considering how her adolescence, the media she watches, and/or the presence of a mid-life crisis led to this helping you to realize she's done, you need to detach, and it's time to move forward? That's a key question for me with closure activities.. are they helping me to close the door.. or causing me to dwell.
Originally Posted by NickWing
I pack up leave and actually away for 2 weeks with NC with W for almost 3 weeks,
I do see you spending time focused on you and enjoying life with your kids--this is great!
In her journal, she told a LB boyfriend she had no feelings for him and poof he was gone. She told me the same thing. Not, my feelings for you have changed, not I feel different, a straight I have no feelings for you. Period.When I read that I knew we were finished in my brain. Heart is getting there but needs a little more convincing. Remember, we were together for 27 years and it doesn't happen overnight.
I have never been the dumper, but I believe Sandi when she says women can only have one man in their heart at the same time, the other guy is history.
Here's something funny. In hopefully our last blow up, W asked if she's so terrible and a cheater, why would you want to be with me. I told her my IC told me the same thing.
Heart is getting there but needs a little more convincing. Remember, we were together for 27 years and it doesn't happen overnight.
That's rough, going from sharing life with her for 27 years, to hearing she has no feelings for you.
Originally Posted by NickWing
W asked if she's so terrible and a cheater, why would you want to be with me. I told her my IC told me the same thing.
LMAO! I also felt a guilty pleasure when my couples therapist referred to my ex as "out of control". It does sound like you're starting to accept it's over and realizing this is necessary and right for you.
Yeah, ask DnJ about that, the no feelings comment actually physically hurt me, it felt like a punch. She actually told me that on BD day and then later. I could not wrap my head around it.
LH and Sandi explain it. Her unhappiness is due to me. Me being around keeps out OM who gives her hapiness.
Way before BD, I realized I was unhappy. Not with her but life. So I did a bunch of things that made me happy, like travel to colege football games. And then I was happy.
She was unhappy, and sought out someone to make her happy. In her journal, you can see it. First this guy is great, they have awesome sex, then some part of reality intrudes, she leaves. HS boyfriend (True Love) comes back, she's happy. He dumps her again, Now time to find a new guy. Over and over again.
Recently, prior BD) we were having arguments because I felt she was not figuring things out that she was consistently relying on me to fix and solve everything. I actually told her I am not your Dad, I am not your boss, I am not your teacher, you need to figure this out. The most recent was Covid unemployment benefits last April. She was furloughed and we were paying all bills out of my retirement account, which had taken a huge hit in the stock market. She does nothing. I inform her that she is eligible, how do you not know that?
So I tell her she needs to apply. She says I heard the website doesnt work.
Nick Well did you try to log in
W No, but Ill do it tomorrow
Next day
Nick: Were you able to get on today
W: No actually didnt try:
Nick: Ok, lets both go on tomorrow at 4 and see if we can do it together
W:Ok
Next day
Nick: Ok lets do this
W: Actually I went on before and did it, it was actually pretty easy.
Now that benefit was about $2400 a month, but no effort at all. Hence frustration and resentment.
Well, jokes on me, you dont have to figure things out, just find a new OM.
"Stranger"--yikes! If she's not going to say Fabio, at least say "But when I kiss you, it's like I'm kissing... my brother." Unless she has a thing for tall dark strangers, then "Stranger" is okay.
It does sound like you're starting to accept it's over and realizing this is necessary and right for you.