Midlife Crisis and Affair with Past GF

[Elbereth]

Hello and thank you! I’m glad to be here. I’ve already spent a lot of time on the site and have read all of the links provided above thus far. I feel in general terms I might be doing the right things, but hard to tell as every relationship is different. The other thing I struggle with is the marriage program I am doing says to be pleasant, show your best self, try to connect but not push too hard or be too lovey, but many MLC articles say pull away and be more detached, and make them engage with you. I fell like I’m doing both to a degree right now...depending on the day or his attitude...and not sure what is best for my scenario. Marriage fitness says be there, that once they come out of the affair they need to know you are there to stand a chance at reconciliation. But other articles I’ve read (including here) is to be more distant and detached and wait for him to engage. Both seem logical. Does his being in MLC crises determine the greater level of detachment I should do? Is he just pushing divorce to settle his guilt in the affair? Should I be cooperative in the divorce? Thanks for your advice.