Little Gerda Goes Forward with Courage and Safety

[97Hope]

And all of that is to say, that for most of my LBS journey, I thought that learning to love as God loves meant I had to keep loving my H as a wife, no matter what he did to me. Now I can see that I don't have to be that man's wife to show God's love in this world and that I don't have to be his wife to do God's will.

I know that many of you aren't religious so this may not make sense, but I think if you just think of "God's will" as the plan for your life, it will be clear and hopefully help someone else. It took me seven years to get to this point, and honestly it's only when H became such a horrible scoundrel in the D, not even what he did just as a pre-D MLCer, that I was able to see him, his mental illness and the impossibility of getting him to stop. Maybe God had to bring me through this fire, this crucible, to help me truly understand who H was. I see the signs were there all along but I didn't see them until things got so bad I was forced to truly look.

I had to say - out loud - YOUR will NOT mine, Lord every morning for months before I actually wanted anything other than my M to be saved.

Something that you might like is "How to Deal with Dark Times" - Tim Keller. I even took notes it spoke to me so much.

It was difficult to me to reckon how God hated divorce, but was allowing it to happen - but, like you, things had gotten so bad I didn't have a choice but to look.

Yes, God hates divorce, but there is also the commandment about adultery. I had a lot of fear around my D - and how it would affect me. I'm so glad you have your relationship with Him now. He is always faithful and will never leave or forsake you.

I will be praying about your D. I can tell you that I didn't get what I prayed for, sometimes I had quite the struggle, but everything I did get blessed me in ways I never would have dreamed.

Stay strong! ((((G))))