I'll admit, I am lost. All I can tell you is that pursuit and pressure do not work. Every time you are tempted to do something related to her, ask yourself: "Is this even remotely pursuit and/or pressure?" If it is then do not do it. You need to back way off, give her time and space, and maybe even let her miss you a bit. So many LBSs do not understand the power of absence and being missed.
You are too focused on her. You cannot nice her back. No matter how many times you save her. You have to focus on you, GAL, self-improve and detach. That is your mission. Stop trying to save your marriage. That may be the only way to save it. (I forget if you are married or not. If not replace the word marriage with relationship.)
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
How does work out being that we do child exchanges multiple times a week? "So many LBSs do not understand the power of absence and being missed."
I’m not sure I understand your question. I exchanged kids with my ex-wife Monday.. she opened the door for the kids, smiled and waved at me, and shut the door. I exchanged kids with my ex-wife Wednesday. We spent 30 seconds appreciating my son’s art project before parting ways. Hand-offs are only an excuse for chit-chat if you want them to be.
I have recently just changed handover from Sunday afternoons to Monday. This means all our handovers are done through daycare/school. I don't have to see her at all anymore. This works great for me. At first I was desperate to keep these Sundays because, like I think where you are at right now, I wanted a chance to show her how i was changing. But guess what...she didn't care, and it would leave me feeling like sh!t.
Me: 41 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 6
"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
"This means all our handovers are done through daycare/school. I don't have to see her at all anymore." - I'm not sure how to really understand this nor imagine I could do this..... it's heart breaking but maybe needed"
" At first I was desperate to keep these Sundays because, like I think where you are at right now, I wanted a chance to show her how i was changing. But guess what...she didn't care, and it would leave me feeling like sh!t."
- TBH the blow to my heart reading this is really hard......I can see how this is
I'm not sure how to really understand this nor imagine I could do this..... it's heart breaking but maybe needed
Heart breaking indeed JH, but reality all the same. I get it JH, my STBXW and I have shared countless moments of real closeness over our 14 years, so the thought of not seeing this person anymore is very sad, but very necessary (for me anyway). At least until you are in a place where these interactions won't affect you anymore, which for me at least, could me many more months.
Me: 41 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 6
"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
"This means all our handovers are done through daycare/school. I don't have to see her at all anymore." - I'm not sure how to really understand this nor imagine I could do this..... it's heart breaking but maybe needed"
" At first I was desperate to keep these Sundays because, like I think where you are at right now, I wanted a chance to show her how i was changing. But guess what...she didn't care, and it would leave me feeling like sh!t."
- TBH the blow to my heart reading this is really hard......I can see how this is
Jhopeful, you can do what feels natural, what is instinctual, and you can continue to push her further away.
Or you can DB! Which is to remove all pressure and pursuit. Back off and leave her alone. Be busy (GAL!). Continue to work on yourself and improve! And detach emotionally from her.
As far as child exchanges. Make them quick and as business like as possible. Have places to go, people to see, things to do. Make the exchange. Tell her you are in a hurry, and go. Don't say hi. Don't say bye. Just make the exchange. Avoid conversation, and get out of there. OB is right. Too many LBSs (I know you aren't married but it is the same concept) try to use things like child exchanges as a chance to interact with their WAS. Interaction is killing you at this point. The less interaction the better.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm at the point where I'm able to purge and return back a number of her items. There is still more however I'm just going about this at a pace that feels good. I'd like to know anyone's thoughts on this letter?
(Again we share a 2yr old so keeping a healthy communication I think is important to me)
Hi. While going through the house I’ve been coming across things that I believe are yours. I thought it would be best to start returning them to you. In the event some of these things are not yours feel free to gift them or dispose of them. Please know I’m not been vindictive I’m solely respecting your belongings as well as this is part of my process. As much as I love your taste and style passing these back to you now is the healthy thing.
