Am I being controlling by reminding her? Or is it better to let her fail because of her negligence.
I get the whole "fixer" mentality, but some H's go overboard and essentially do the thinking for the W. In other words, she's not held responsible to remember b/c she knows her H will take care of it......and/or remind her. I don't see it as you helping her not to fail, but I do see you being a rescuer, and it has done nothing to encourage her to take responsibility. I believe people like her have to experience natural consequences life gives when we're not grown up enough to take care of business. She resents you always reminding her, even though she's guilty of not being more responsible. She is like a teenager who wants to live her own life at the expense of making her own mistakes. It's hard when another person suffers from her negligence, but you have to let her grow up and experience consequences. If it's her fault, then she has to account for the negligence, rather than saying her H didn't remind her.
Wives get accused of "nagging" when she reminds her H. Husbands get accused of controlling when he reminds his W.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
