Sorry everyone - I forgot to add these details to the origins of our story. _________ Back story: Me 47 - grew up in NYC, ambitious, kind, traveled, been doing personal work for 15+ longest relationship was only 1.5yrs. Her 36 - small town in upstate NY, nurse, kind, family orientated. She was married for 10 years and got divorced aprox 2 years ago - she said the relationship was over about a year before that. She left him and may have gone on dates or slept with someone before the divorce was final. Her ex shamed her all across town. More on him later
We met on a bus in Mexico in Jan 20017. I was attracted to her beauty. When we got off the bus I noticed right away she was about 5'' taller than me. While out our first night I thought, wow, even if we don't become intimate this is a beautiful kind, soft woman. She was traveling with her friend and we all had a wonder time over the past 5 days. We became intimate on the last few nights. She cried and described that she'd hadn't had that kind of experience before. I became drawn to all of her. She left, I was on extended holiday.
When I returned back to the US in march we started long distance dating. It was fun and light. We met in different places across the country about 5 times. Then in September she told me that she wanted to move to Colorado to be together. At first I was apprehensive and told her I needed to think about that. Then after some thought I said yes.
She moved out in January2018 and within 2 weeks of moving here she had a back condition flare up pretty badly. Bed ridden for 3days I was making bed pans out of cut paper towel rolls. Finally we called the ambulance and she underwent surgery. I took care of her for about 2 months, It was overwhelmed by the responsibility - all told that seemed to become a trend.
She had repeated problems all the way through our relationship even up to today. They stem from neglecting her back pain while at work and creating bungling discs.
She rebounded in April, we had a small fight or 2 before we found out that we were pregnant in July of that year. Both of us were at first scared but we decided it was something we both wanted.
I was in shock for about 3 weeks. My income was not steady and I felt like there was still a lot I didn't know about her.
We moved in together in Sept of 2018 it was a construction zone as I was remodeling a place. It stressed us both out for a few months.
I had a rare knee condition flare up and began seeing doctors in Sept 2018. It took me 7 surgeons and 3 surgeries to find out what was really happening. It weighed on me heavily, I grew depressed.
One evening I recall mentioning something to her about a perspective I was having, in other words, I was trying to share a trigger, something “about me” and either I mis-spoke or she took it personal. I have learned a technique to say this and it felt like she had never heard someone speak this way before.
We went to a Tony Robbins Date With Destiny workshop. I staffed it, she attended. At the end, of the workshop the person writes a love letter to their partner. When she gave it to me I froze. I typically do savor things and wait for the right moment - but what had started to become clear to me was 2 things. I did feel smothered by her, I felt a lot of obligation from the day she arrived. I loved her but yet there was still this feeling I couldn’t put my finger on, I felt like there had to be something more to her - or she was really just so simple. Her lightness and kindness was carrying me and I thought it was enough for me.
Leading up to Poppy's brith I stopped having sex with her. I think the stress got to me. Unfortunately our communication wasn’t strong enough. Additionally she never made any real advances towards me.
I did feel like I was living in Josh’s shadow. She often would say that I was controlling, her BF told me once that she felt that she never worked through that relationship.
__________ I just spoke with a friend who gave me some words of personal encouragement and I'm talking with a friend tonight who's partner left him and then came back after 4 months.
