Thank you all for the practical advice!! If I'm being honest with myself, my anxiety levels have definitely been elevated the past couple of days. I have also been incredibly sad. My sadness overrides all other emotions. I still can't believe my marriage is ending like this. We have been totally NC all week since the last call. I have no idea how I am going to react when I walk into my home and see her again. I want to walk in there like Michelle Obama walked into that inauguration yesterday. Like I own the world!! in reality, I know it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks.
Yail, you are totally correct in advising that I get out of there as soon as possible. I still have an internal battle brewing. One day I have myself convinced that this cannot be happening and the other I realize that she stopped loving me years ago. It kills me that I do not want to let this go despite all that she has done to hurt me. I swear I would take her back if she asked. In reality, she doesn't want it and stopped wanting it a long time ago. I need to go home, get all of my affairs in order and get the hell out as soon as possible. I've promised myself that I would find a lawyer ASAP.
For the past 2.5 months, since I left home, I have been GAL'ing as much as possible, working on NC, and trying to detach. Totally afraid that I will revert to crying on a daily basis and overwhelmed with the sadness. DON'T EVER WANT to cry in front of her again.
Please say a few prayers for me, need to stay strong. I arrive tomorrow evening. I already made an appointment with my hairdresser Saturday morning at 11:00 AM and also plan to go get a mani & pedi afterwards. So I will not be in the house most of the day Saturday.
