I happened to run across the five stages of grief today: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
I’m done with denial. I never really got angry that I recall. I bargained for a long time and May still go back there some. I can check off depression and I’m probably still working through that, but I do feel like I’m moving into acceptance.
I happened to run across the five stages of grief today: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
I’m done with denial. I never really got angry that I recall. I bargained for a long time and May still go back there some. I can check off depression and I’m probably still working through that, but I do feel like I’m moving into acceptance.
Expressing some anger in a healthy way should be part of your growth. Might talk to you IC about this.
Ultimately this is about getting yourself healthy. Finding the right balance in all your emotions. Knowing when and how to control or express/release them.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I happened to run across the five stages of grief today: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
I’m done with denial. I never really got angry that I recall. I bargained for a long time and May still go back there some. I can check off depression and I’m probably still working through that, but I do feel like I’m moving into acceptance.
Scotty B these stages are not linear and you bounce in and out of them for sometime. You have a long way to go before you het acceptance.
I never got angry at XW, but did go through some anger at just the general situation, and at God/ karma/ the universe for boning me over like that. If you don't process the anger it can pop up in unexpected ways, like going postal over someone cutting you off in traffic or something.
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I bargained for a long time and May still go back there some. I can check off depression and I’m probably still working through that, but I do feel like I’m moving into acceptance.
Normally when someone says this and I look to see when they joined and it's been a couple of months then I think yeah, they're still in denial! But I think you said early on that this has been going on for years, right? So I'd say you're probably getting there. It usually does take a solid couple of years to really process all the stages and accept your "new normal".
I happened to run across the five stages of grief today: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
I’m done with denial. I never really got angry that I recall. I bargained for a long time and May still go back there some. I can check off depression and I’m probably still working through that, but I do feel like I’m moving into acceptance.
So she calls you tonight, says she wants to come back. Doesn't want MC, doesn't want IC, just wants things to go back to normal as they were pre-BD.
What do you do?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
On the stages of grief-- I found another version that went denial-bargaining-anger-depression-acceptance, and that was a lot closer to my own path (bargaining before anger), in case that resonates more with you.
I also second RTC on the anger being an important part of the whole process. People here really questioned my lack of anger (as did my IC) and I thought I was past it. Turns out I had just shoved it down and when I started to open up that box, it was an intense, enormous well. I bought a punching bag and did a lot of angry journaling which really helped though I think I wasn't pleasant to be around for a few weeks. My IC helped me through this and I definitely recommend exploring this with your IC too. it still comes up for me but in manageable chunks and I now have strategies to work through it and let it go.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
On the stages of grief-- I found another version that went denial-bargaining-anger-depression-acceptance, and that was a lot closer to my own path (bargaining before anger)
As a paramedic for nearly 25 years I’ve seen this play out right In Front of me, at least the first three. The different versions or order they occur may well relate to the different types of grief. A divorce versus death of a loved one perhaps.
Take suicide as an example. The person is found and 911 is called. We may attempt a resuscitation or may have determined the person has been dead for hours. As we help process the scene and wait for the medical examiner, family members often arrive. It was sometimes my job to greet them and deliver the often unbelievable news. Upon telling them their daughter, or fill in the blank, has died, the first stages would often take place, sometimes within minutes. It would often start with “no, no, no you’re lying to me.” Ive actually had people say that, or, are you sure maybe he’s just passed out. This is the denial. It can sometimes be quickly followed by bargaining, “Please God no, bring him back and I’ll do anything you want. Or even with us “please try to save her, can’t you shock her or do CPR or something?” With in minutes more they may begin screaming, throwing things, slamming doors, hitting the wall. They may say “why would you do this John, I hate you, I hate you for leaving us.” This is the anger. Again, it all sometimes happened over 10 minutes and would repeat back to denial or ebb and flow. We very often never saw the depression and of course never saw the acceptance, unless a long time later if our paths crossed.
Anyhow my point in all this is it’s not the same for everyone and also different for different types of grief. However it is amazing how accurate it is with and for many.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I never got angry at XW, but did go through some anger at just the general situation, and at God/ karma/ the universe for boning me over like that. If you don't process the anger it can pop up in unexpected ways, like going postal over someone cutting you off in traffic or something.
We have been stuffing emotions down forever, they end up in our subconscious, and find ways to escape. Us humans stuff down so many things and then they bubble up at the wrong time. Google "radical forgiveness".
"wheel of emotions" is great chart. Helping my children process all of their emotions was challenging. I gave them a safe place to express them.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I'll respond to posts in a moment but I do have a question.
I went to Florida for the weekend and on Sunday my son text me to ask how it was. My wife checks his text messages and last night at 10:30pm she emailed me:
