In the beginning of the separation she told me she should be allowed to make her own mistakes and fail.. I would remind her to top her car fluids up even when she moved out last month.. I even told her to set alarms on her phone to remind her to check the oil as it leaked and needed topping up once a week.. She said I was "controlling" but all I was trying to do was take preventative action.
Hi Drh2001,
Easy--you were attempting to control her. At least you were a benevolent dictator, genuinely interested in a good outcome (the car not breaking down, the kids not being picked up late) rather than praise. I let my ex-wife face natural consequences. The first couple of times she was late, I bailed her out. The next few times, the daycare let it slide. Then they charged her $5/minute late. The 15-20 minute tardies stopped and she became the parent always there 10 minutes early instead of 5 minutes late.
Originally Posted by Drh2001
I also got on her case about giving my daughter medication as she would forget. Again, I'm called controlling.
With the medical situation, the natural consequences fall on your D. I've been okay presenting as a controlling arse to my ex-wife and invoking doctors, teachers, and CPS over child health issues.
CWarrior,
You're right. I was being benevolent but it was still controlling. I'm also a bit of a helicopter parent. I have some family members who dropped out of high school, got evicted, homeless etc and I was determined I didn't want to be one of those parents who failed their kids. So I put out fires before they got too big - although I missed the wildfire right in front of me with my WW leaving for OM and exposing my kids to her adulterous liaison.
I don't like seeing people fail unnecessarily. I'm not a rescuer but sometimes people have to attend the school of hard knocks to learn - but it's so much easier if they learn first - but not everyone is like that.
