Leaving it behind.

[97Hope]

Having dreams every time I fall asleep. Wondering if it's an emo dump - or I need to process more.


I've been having recurring dreams for the past year or so - I'm always at X's house (it's not the ranch). He has a new family - I've only seen them one time.

One dream we were at security at an airport and he and OW and kids were all decked out in ski gear. (Not THE ow just knew it was an OW with 3 older kids). This was before I had proof of actual OW and her two young sons.

Then dream transitioned to his house and I was helping him find a corkscrew.

Several weeks later - I was at his new - very modern house, very beautiful - fancy even - and i remember thinking how nice his new house was. He was having a dinner party and I didn't even know why I was there. I was noticing that it wasn't his "style".

Last night - had 3 dreams.

We were at a resort and were saying goodbye. He was fine with it all but I was shattered. As we were walking through I was talking out loud about memories we shared there and how I couldn't imagine never returning again as a couple.

In each dream - he is ok with everything and I am falling apart. (It's actually the opposite IRL. He breaks down crying a lot)

Was in his house (they are all different) - we were moving out - separating our things, and his entire family was there, but our boys were still little and we had not told them. I had to tell them - and I had them all gathered on a couch - I had a daughter who wore glasses - and when I told her I was sobbing , almost could not speak. (I do not have a daughter). This little girls face was so precious and right before I told her I woke up. She was also a different race than I am. But she was definitely MY daughter.

Next time I fell back asleep - I was outside and his dad and gpa were out there (gpa passed away 10 years ago) and when I looked over at him, he was very concerned about me and held his arms out for me to run into.

Each time I wake up and I was just bawling in my dream, but it passes as soon as I wake up.

Just purging this out to think about later and wondering if something will click as I process it all.