Steve_Treading Water

[JosephS]

This was sad to read but not at all surprising. She told you she didn’t want a relationship. I don’t know why her acting as if she’s not in a relationship was so surprising.

You can not control her no matter how much you attempt too by being nice, or giving ultimatums or running to her family every time she upsets you. (Btw, you really need to stop running to her family for more than one reason) She is her own person with her own ability to make decisions. Right now she is making decisions that show she has very little self respect but even less for you as a partner.

This reads (and I hope I’m wrong) like everything you’ve done has been for yourself and nothing is or has been about the kids. You need to start focusing on your children and stop worrying about your W and what she’s doing.

There’s no possible way you being in love with her hit you like a ton of bricks. You’ve made that crystal clear in every single post. You need to start being honest with yourself so you can face reality and really make some good progress in the future with yourself, kids and therapy.

Just as FYI being friends with your ex doesn’t hurt your kids. It hurts you and only you. I personally know couples that are divorced and still good friends and co-parent very well and their kids are happy, adjusted, and most importantly loved. Your children are not a tool to attempt to control her. You also have claimed in previous post you wonder if your W was neglecting your children and you were going to start documenting things and potentially restricting access. It really feels like you only did this to attempt to control your W looking back. I am really curious what was the point of that. Was it to document things in an attempt to tell your W if you stay with the OM you’ll keep the kids away from her? Because if she was this neglectful mother worth documenting why are you so adamant you two get back together and live together and be together. Why can you not put your children ahead of yourself? Why can you not be their rock?

Good luck Steve. You are at a major crossroads in your life. You don’t seem to have any respect for yourself so I’m not sure how you can expect anyone else too either. You are teaching your children that both you and your W behavior is acceptable.