Steve_Treading Water

[sandi2]

I have written about why it doesn't work for the H trying to be just friends with his WW. You have pretty much said what I've tried to explain to others. When the H goes along with the WW wishes to be just friends, he has a completely different mindset from his WW's mindset. He thinks that being her friend will eventually draw her back into a MR. It doesn't. It does not work with wayward wives. She really doesn't want anything more but to be friends, and she will "use" his availability and will continue to manipulate him like crazy.

I come by like a idiot to bring her chocolate because I made a big deal about having no more OM’s and she was not home.

Steve, you don't get it. The problem has never been OM! You seriously think if OM wasn't in the picture she would be ready to do the necessary work to reconcile? No, the real problem is your WW's mindset. Her heart is cold and rebellious. Her words could be taken out of the WW's manual. She's like a teenager. She wants the benefits of both worlds (single and married), without responsibility. She wants to be free to do whatever she desires, and give no account to anyone.

Enough people have told me I am good man that they all can see loves her and she’s a moron.

I've watched your posts and see how often you write about other people taking your side or think you are a good guy. You talk with her sister, and seem to feel better when she gets mad at WW and tells her off. You've talked about how much your in-laws love you, and how other people like you and see you as a good man. What is this all about? Even the OM bows out b/c you're such an incredible man........and he begs for your forgiveness?


I'll tell you why I think board members get so concerned when a newcomer suddenly goes silent during a crucial point in the sitch. Timing is critical, and usually the newcomer doesn't want to hear our advice about something recently happening. In other words, he just wants to go with his heart and use the same behavior as in previous times. I remember working with more than one LBH who had horrendous WW's, and at the most critical point of the sitch, they suddenly dropped out of sight. So, I'm really glad you've given an update. Don't stop posting just b/c of divorce.

I may lose my wife but at least I won’t have to hate myself for being a little B and letting her dictate the rules of our M when she walked out of it.

IMHO, this statement links with what I previously said about your lack of self esteem.

I’m scared, I’m hurt but I won’t lie to my W.

Instead of making it sound as if your honesty is attached to your W (like she's so special)........it should be based on your integrity. Make sense? You are a honest man b/c of you.....and it has nothing to do with her.

So I will finish the D this week and it hurts but I feel I am doing the right thing.

This is what separates the boys from the men.

(((hugs)))