WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont6.)

[97Hope]

Unhappy people will hand you a scroll of iniquities for what you did wrong at BD, and after - if you continue to allow it. Hint - tt's always a moving target! Couple that with their propensity to rewrite history - and it's maddening!!

If you spend enough time with a person who operates like this - a person who can't be happy on their own - you may start to believe that you are the problem. Also because of codependency - a need for them to be ok for you to be ok.

Freedom is when it matters not. When you maintain your own emotional balance despite what is going on around you or what others are experiencing/feeling. - "Man's Search for Meaning" Frankl - life changer!

As the veil lifts - you will see more and more instances where you were judged harshly. I used to feel guilty when I didn't have dinner ready. Serious guilt and shame. Or when I took a nap, or didn't get up early or watched a 'chick flick' and so many things...

X wouldn't say anything outright (passive aggressive was his style) but the sighs, disapproving looks (sometimes contempt) or backhand "jokes" wore me down. It got to the point where I was the butt of the family's jokes. One day it just dawned on me - when I eat, sleep etc. is really none of his business. Also - I'm not responsible FOR him. But it had become so normal to me that I just thought it was how things were.

I've since tried my best to model better behavior to my kids and point out when they say something disparaging to me or each other "as a joke" - it's almost a non-issue now. So watch that if your kids are raised with PA behavior or cruelty disguised as a 'joke'.

Keep exploring those feelings of yuck when you "know this is going to upset X" - because you can learn about yourself through this - and you can lean in to truth. What you know about yourself to be true - and what's just their stuff flinging your way.

Also regarding your "R" as co-parent going forward - you might like "parallel parenting". I think in about 99% of these cases - parallel is a better option. Imagine trying to 'co-anything' with someone who won't 'co-operate'...just my 2 c's.

Cheers to eating watermelon & yogurt for dinner and setting our thermometers to whatever the duck we want!!! LOL